These are a series of emails between me and my sister all within about 20 mins.
I don't know how she comes up with this stuff.

(note: there's like "mormon speak" in here. you may not get parts of it)

Ashley sent me some pictures that you'd get after you get off the roller coaster. Ya know, the ones that show you screaming with your face blown back?
I laughed and then replied back saying loud and laughingly "LOL, wow you guys are really stupid!!"

Ashley wrote back saying: that's what disney AND family is all about. if there's anything else you'd like me to teach you, just let me know...


(so i figured i'd play along)


Carrie: I wanna know about fatty foods and the truth behind them.

Ashley: well, there are these spirits that follow us around (you know, part of the 1/3 of hosts of heaven that went with lucifer). they go around and breath evil magical wonders onto foods and whisper in our ears that they will make us happy. their whisperings have that black magic wonders in them, too, cause it's in their breath a little bit.

Carrie: ok. now i want to know the truth behind college.

Ashley: well, college is like more of status symbol than anything. a college degree could get you most jobs, no matter what the degree is in. if you don't have a college degree, then you are shoved into the lower middle class status and pretty much will stay there unless you start your own business or sell drugs or whore yourself. now if you have a graduate degree then you have the world at your feet. even the bad spirits.

Carrie: oh ok. so college graduates even have the bad spirits making them eat fatty foods. i understand now! but what about George Michael?

Ashley: george michael is not a real person. he is a group of evil spirits embodying a "humanoid" body, or "glove" if you will. will you...? hahaha...seriously, though, this GM creature exists to show us what a mockery the human race can be. which isn't really true, but the evil spirits want us to think that, and have succeeded through the GM method.

Carrie: ok. thats kinda what i already knew and thought. but what really concerns me, is Richard Simmons. Is the help he's given people real? or is it bad spirit influenced?

Ashley: well, you have to look at both sides of the coin. so on the one side, he's basically said, "i used to be overweight, but now i'm skinny and GAY!" on the other side, he's said, "i am a wounded soul and skinnyness and gayity won't heal these deep wounds." so it's a lose-lose situation. both sides of the coin bring us back to food and the bad spirits' magical wonders: eat lots of food and gain weight or do other guys in the bum...as it were.

Carrie: wow, you are so knowledge-able and wise-worthy. I must know about Oprah. tell me now! is she the next president? or is she really the Saviour?

Ashley: you know how the book of mormon talks about columbus, that he was directed by God, even though he wasn't part of the church/gospel/nephites/whatever...? okay, well, oprah is like that. God is directing her to teach the sheep of the fold. Jesus was a carpenter : Oprah is a black woman.

Carrie: Of course!! Black woman-Carpenter!! same thing!! gosh this makes so much sense! I was just recently thinking about why some people hate Christmas. Does it stem from a hatred towards Baby Jesus? or just babies in general? or I thought maybe it could be that people really just hate other people. and the thought of spending money for gifts to give them makes them sick to their stomachs. was is it really?

Ashley: i've spent most of my travels and years of research on this very topic, so in order to not regurgitate all of it upon you, i'll give the reader's digest version of the reader's digest version of the reader's theatre version: when baby jesus was born the wise men or 3 kings or whatever, delivered gifts. my thoughts always go directly to "a newborn doesn't need gifts or is even aware that they exist"; thus began "needless-gift-giving" or NGG as i have coined it. NGG isn't our fault. you got it: the wise men started it, which makes their age-old moniker an oxymoron. we didn't start the fire! and, unfortunately, we're not even trying to fight it. people hate christmas not because of babies, but because of the three dumb men, the three ding-bats of orient are, or, you know, canada or somewhere.

What if you loved someone? What if that person knew about it and was ok with it? What if everyone found out because someone had to poke their nose where it didn't belong? What if it changed everything? Would it change your love for that person as well? After all, it is no longer private or precious. It is now common knowledge for everyone. And everyone looks at you different.

it's amazing how creative you can get when you are poor.

this isn't a "pity me and feed me, i'm poor" kind of thing. i just get so proud of myself when i create something out of nothing when i'm hungry.

my freezer is empty. i have a ton of condiments/sauces etc., and few little things here and there that don't really go together. So I said to myself...

"ok, garbanzo beans it is" So I opened the can and started eating.
Then I thought "how can I spice this up a little?"
my garbanzo concoction turned out to be....
garbanzo beans
chopped up bell peppers
chopped up fresh garlic
little salsa
little ranch
chili powder and lemon pepper

That will probably be the best thing I will eat all day.

these are a few of my favorite things....

1. chocolate
2. going to movies
3. watching movies at home
4. the office, ER, Lost, Heroes, SNL, Letterman, Conan
5. hanging out with friends, talking for hours
6. chai
7. fans/air conditioning
8. the blessed internet
9. LAUGHING!!!
10. water
11. water
12. water
13. my phone ringing
14. karaoke!!
15. crying ...is that weird?
16. flossing
17. giving massages....although it takes some motivation..i love it when i get going.
18. getting massages
19. autumn
20. watching my kids having a good ole time
21. hearing my kids laughing
22. eating
23. awesome hair care products
24. awesome skin care products
25. new nail polish
26. earrings (danglies only..not to short, not too long)
27. baking cookies, brownies, cakes and other goodies
28. a clean house
29. large gatherings
30. my husbands clean shaven face
31. my husbands clean shaven head
32. trying new restaurants
33. finding a new cd that totally rocks
34. going to a concert after weeks of anticipation
35. walks
36. naps
37. colon cleanses ..ya thats right. i'm just gonna put it out there.
38. my hair.....i've grown to love it.
39. going places
40. having money to spend!!
41. The Oscars
42. The Golden Globes (even though i hate what they stand for)
43. kissing
44. when the book i'm reading starts getting good and i don't ever want to put it down
45. when the book is down to the last 10 pages and i don't want it to end....(thats a love/hate thing)
46. vacations
47. coming home from vacations
48. ghost stories - good and bad
49. ufo stories - good and bad
50. my car
51. my laptop
52. my big tv
53. my tempur pedic bed
54. waking up and going out for breakfast, then shopping, then a movie, lunch, then more shopping, then another movie, then dinner. Ya, that happens like once a year. But it's awesome.
55. mountain dew
56. my homemade pizza
57. my homemade quesadillas
58. my homemade ice cream
59. paying bills online
60. myspace

This is a something I wrote several weeks ago. I'm actually very proud of it. It's an instant favorite when it just pours out of me and I don't even have to think about it.


Beaches

standing on the shore. the tide washes over my feet. cleansing the granules of sand off my toes. stepping further into the water coldness chills my legs. the sandy floor scrubs the skin off the bottom of my feet. the sun is almost done for the day. it lights up the water's surface with illuminating oranges and yellows as a final gift to the ocean and all it's contents. the water may look warm but do not be deceived. it is cold and uncomforting. and i am still sinking into the sand. the sun seems so promising. i stare at the disappearing sun as if it whispers "follow me". the further i walk towards the sun, the closer i am to drowning. but still, it seems so promising. the chill of the water jolts me, telling me to turn back.

i want your warmth. but all i feel is ice. your promising illusion never delivers.

and yet i will still come back tomorrow.... to do it all over again.

because i love you.

(sept. 12th)
I went roller skating last night for the first time in like 17 yrs or something. I'm in pain all over my body. I TOTALLY forgot how to roller skate and I quickly realized "oh crap, i have no muscle for this" I wiped out about 3 times.....hard...and all 3 times I fell I was already stopped. I also didn't think that standing on skates trying to move around would make me sweat so much.

I didn't feel too embarrased because people were falling all over the place. The only way i could stop myself was by slamming into the wall. I couldn't turn, I couldn't use my stopper thing on my skates. It was nothing short of hilarious and pathetic.

I'm totally going back!!

surrounded by reflections of how we perceive ourselves and how others perceive us

it's never the same.

"then who am I really?"

we may never know.

(from July 7th, 2006)

I have finally figured this out. I just learned this from experience and I will never forget it.

TIME - is, was, and will always be more important than money.

I am literally paying someone a large chunk of change for the sole purpose of things happening in a timely fashion according to MY schedule.

10 years ago today....

1) How old were you?
THEN: 18
NOW: 28

2) Where did you work?
THEN: Movies 8 on 71st & Memorial
NOW: I work INSIDE the home

3) Where did you live?
THEN: Tulsa, Oklahoma
NOW: Tulsa ( i was gone on a 8 yr hiatus though)

4) How was your hair style?
THEN: Long
NOW: long but not as long as before

5)Did you wear contacts?
THEN: no
NOW: no

6) Did you wear glasses?
THEN: no
NOW: yes, only for night driving and movies

7) Who was your best friend?
THEN: Gary Waldrop
NOW: Rachel Shadday

8) Which of your pets were still alive?
THEN: The family gerbils - Rascal and Wheeler
NOW: no pets and very happy about it

9) Who was your boyfriend/girlfriend?
THEN: ha! ya right - no one
NOW: I guess my husband counts as my boyfriend

11) Who was your celebrity crush?
THEN: Trent Reznor of Nine Inch Nails
NOW: scottish/british actor Hans Matheson

12) Who was your regular-person crush?
THEN: my gay friend Micheal
NOW: my best friend Rachel, she's just awesome

13) How many piercings did you have?
THEN: 6
NOW: still 6 but i havent checked to see if they've closed up or not

14) How many tattoos did you have?
THEN: 0
NOW: 0 with no plans to ever get one

15) What was your favorite band/singer?
THEN: Depeche Mode
NOW: Depeche Mode... I am a loyal fan.

16) Had you smoked a cigarette?
THEN: yep
NOW: yep

17) Had you gotten drunk?
THEN: maybe 3 times
NOW: a lot since then

18) What kind of Car did you drive?
THEN: White Mercury Zephyr with a red top
NOW: Orange Honda Element

19) Looking back, are you where you thought you would be in 2006?: I never guessed or hoped I'd be anywhere or doing anything. I've always been a day to day person. But yes, I knew I would be married with kids in house somewhere about now.

20.) What is ONE thing you can say you've learned in the past 10 yrs? That people are important and I need to not judge them until I know them better. Hold on to your friends!

Desert

no water

no cleansing

dry

harsh

cracking

dead

no life

then the rain

the moisture

the drink

soaked through

then out comes the sun

New Album in June

thinking of something that reminded me of you, that I hadn't thought about in months, came to me again today and surprisingly it became real. reminding me not only of you, but that it really wasn't a surprise at all.

Some people are destined to enter our lives, only to leave it.

little places

little trinkets sit inside little places

of the heart

of the mind

it's always the ones we don't have

that we treasure most

little places hold tiny little treasures

memories

fantasies

some mean nothing

some mean everything

so often we make little of others

only to ignore how big they truly are

to deny the impact they've had on us is anything but little

but we still hide them

in our little places

knowing that one day, they'll be there

waiting

just in case