It's funny how I tried so hard to find friends, meet people, do things with them so I could feel complete and not have to count on my husband for fulfillment in all areas of my life. And..when I do find them, they all lack in the effort to show me friendship. I try to be the best friend ever, because I want to be, but when it's their turn to give the friendship back...I get nothing. Please know I'm not all about the gimme gimme gimme. After all the effort, should I continue? Or should I let them come to ME?

When the world continues to disappoint me, once again, I fall back on my husband. He is my friend, my lover, my partner in life and even though he falls short sometimes (dont we all), I know he will always be there for me.

Is that how the world works? We only have ONE person we can truly count on?

i've always had the tendency to want to remain friends with my old lovers. no matter what it takes, i always like to make sure that my ex's and I are on a totally cool friendship basis. maybe it's because i want to be liked no matter what. i will take whatever i can get. (i've even found myself sitting at a table and all 4 people sitting with me..I've all either made out with them or had sex with them...which is quite the conquering thought) ....or maybe it's because i dont particularly like having enemies...or just "people i won't talk to". Now dont get me wrong, if any of them has wronged me terribly in some way, or has brushed me off, then I won't waste my time. But most of them I am still friends with and still talk to. Some I've long lost contact with.

..or....maybe I just like hanging on to the past. I do tend to reminise often. memory lane, memory lane...that's definatly me. in the order of living in a home with a husband and 2 small children....i miss my chaotic past.