The Silent Treatment

for michael

after one year and a half

i had a moment of weakness

there should be a new word for 'weakness'

sadness, neglect, and anger overwhelmes me

"if there's a shadow of a doubt, don't do it

the slightest stupor of thought...don't do it"

a voice tells me

i don't listen

i open the book

turn to the P's

my nerves begin to tug

i reach for the phone

look at the numbers

my hands shake

put it down

try to think clearly

can't...not a chance

cry instead

only 11 numbers to dial

only 11 buttons to push

one and a half years

might as well be one and a half days

so many things to say

although silence is golden

but gold can turn if neglected

if left outside to the elements

the silent treatment

like ice

will it break?

will it melt?

crying, shaking

it rings, the phone is fucking ringing

i've lost all control

my knees are giving way

my whole body shaking, trembling

nausea

heartbreak

adrenaline

voicemail

small miracles

..and more silence